Pets and other friends – Page 64

Retro Friday Cat Blogging

Ash, Jordon, and Isabelle doing their group rendition of “It’s about damn time you turned the radiators on!”

There’s one under all the cat beds–which reminds me that high on my list of things to do once I finish this book is build a new radiator bench that makes it easier to, you know, radiate.

Leith says, “You ladies can have the radiator, I’m going for the couch in the office.”

That’s where I am, with the space heater that Laura so kindly turned on for me when she left so that I’d have a warm workspace when I got up.

Finally, Meg. “Boss where are we going next? Do you want to take my picture? I…I…What was I saying?”

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog October 17 2008, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)

Retro Friday Cat Blogging

Sexy? Damn right!

Cold? No, what makes you think so?

15 pound cat 10 pound bed

Of coursh I can touch my nose with tongue, Officsher.

Once my eyes finish charging you are so going to regret waking me up!

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog October 10 2008, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)

Friday Cat Blogging

The flying saucer people were delicious! Moar?

I am delicious.

Say what?

I ated something delicious, and it killed me ded.

You look delicious…come here and let me lick your camera lens, big boy.

Friday Cat Blogging

Your laptop is huge!

That’s no laptop? I am a laptop!

May I be your lap top?

That’s kind of a bizarre theme you’ve got going on there, dude.

Themes schmemes. Still the prettiest!

Dear Feline Collective Follow-Up

Re: ugly development in lapsharing negotiations.

It has come to management’s attention that already today the writer-in-residence has twice had, not one, but two cats taking up valuable lap space normally devoted to the means of writerly production (see laptop, Apple iBook G4).

Further it has come to management’s attention that resolution of which cat retained possession of said lap was resolved through hissing and intimidation. Once, blows were even exchanged. This is simply not acceptable and may actually result in demonstration by writer-in-residence that despite normal dominance protocols, writer-in-residence is in fact a larger predator, one who outweighs said cats by an order of magnitude.

Please take note of the fact that despite being a Cat Softie, with a capital CS, writer-in-residence has a very limited patience for anything that involves potential bleeding, and adjust your negotiating strategies accordingly.

Thank you,
The management

2013 P.S. The comment threads on the original versions of these posts have some really funny responses. See below for links.

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog February 1 2008, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)

Dear Feline Collective

Re: Proposed change to new lapsharing arrangements/monopolization of space normally used for writing.

It has come to management’s attention that some sort of agreement has been reached amongst the feline members of the household in re: lapsharing (the process by which writer-in-residence lap time is arranged). Said agreement seems to involve a continuous rotation of laptime amongst the four younger cats, said rotation working not unlike a relay race.

While such feline cooperation is laudable in terms of the increased level of inter-feline amicability, it does have one rather severe drawback. To whit, displacement of the laptop belonging to the writer-in-residence. Which fact, in turn, causes a significant loss in potential productivity.

For more notes on same, see attached charts. Chart one maps the difficulty of typing whilst a cat is resting her head on the writer’s wrist (Isabelle). Chart two shows reduction in productivity directly related to cats frequently licking the thumb used to manipulate the trackball (Ashbless and Nutmeg). And, of course, chart three shows the total loss of productivity caused by the repeated smashing of a cat’s forehead into the nose of the writer-in-residence (Jordan). Please contrast this with the lack of impediments to productivity caused by laying in front of the heater some yards from the writer-in-residence’s place of writing (Leith) as outlined in chart four.

Management would very much like to see more laying about near the writer-in-residence during the hours of production and less laying on the writer-in-residence during those same hours. Management proposes an increased distribution of treats and decreased amount of abruptly dropping cats off of said lap to offset lost laptime. Further, management is open to other possible compensation to be proposed by the collective.

We eagerly await your response.

All best,
Management (speaking for the writer-in-residence)

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog January 31 2008, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)

Dear Feline Collective

Re: Proposed change to feline barfing schedule/cancellation of the 4:00 a.m. bathroom hallway express.

Conceded: Religious/cultural significance of barfing for feline household members. Fish gotta swim. Birds gotta fly. Cats gotta barf.

Points of ongoing dispute unrelated to current negotiations: Comparative authority/ownership of all household assets (including human and feline members). Timing and availability of treats and other food items.

Proposed alternatives: Double barfing privileges at other times, increased snack flow, reduced death threats.

Relationship to writing: Decreased 4:00 a.m. barfing should result in increased sleeping and greater literary production, which will in turn lead to more funds available for indulgence of feline needs.

In closing: We are eagerly awaiting your response.

Thanks,
Kelly

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog Dec 20 2007, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)

Cat Answers (In Translation)

Human: *Wakes up, listens* “Cat, what are you doing?”

Cat: “Cat things.”

Cat: “Why do you ask?”

Cat: “Nothing. No Reason. I never laid a claw on that rug, I mean…meow?”

Cat: “Screw you thumb-monkey!”

Cat: “I am doing the traditional dance of my people and you’re oppressing me!”

Cat: *ominous silence*

Cat: “If I tell you I’m going to have to kill you. Do you still want to know?”

Cat: “Whose asking, copper?”

Cat: “I’m afraid fluffy is not at home right now, if you’d like to leave a message please fuck off after the ‘meow.'”

Cat: “Teaching this bat how to sing.”

Cat: “Have you ever really looked at your jingle ball?”

Cat: “Duuuuuude, I totally found the catnip.” *giggles*

Cat: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Farewell Princess

Last night a grand dame of the cat world left us. Princess was the cat of my friend Neil Gaiman. She was a once-wild, wonderful, fierce, old lady with a mean streak a mile wide and fur like white silk. She sent more than one person to the hospital, and spilled my blood on at least one memorable occasion. She was beautiful and tough and more than half a creature of faery. She was also my friend—I visited her nearly daily while borrowing Neil’s running paths—and I loved her dearly. I will miss her, as I know Neil will, along with a whole lot of other people. She touched many lives in her twenty-two-plus years. Because I haven’t the heart for words right now, here are some of my favorite pictures of her (a few have captions because they insisted on it, but most don’t):

This is the very first picture I ever took of her in January of 2011

She loved to drink out of the tap, and insisted that the humans oblige her

She wasn’t often cuddly, but was very fierce about it when she was

This is my favorite shot of her

Because some pictures must be shared

She started drinking out of my glass when she was too tired to go down to the sink

Simply beautiful

She was so fierce

Pretty sure she was trying to figure out how she’d reach the gas pedal

With her long time housemate Coconut

Sleeping in the library

Claiming me for her own

And this is the last picture I took of her—napping on my lap shortly before leaving us

Goodbye Princess, you had a hell of run

That’s Snow Dragon, It’s a Madcap Adventure!

Matt Kuchta and I have a now well established madness to our methods. It starts out with a suggestion for some sort of thing we can build or break or film or make.

For example, Matt says: “Hey, Kelly let’s build a white elephant in Neil Gaiman’s backyard.”

The next thing that happens is escalation. I go out to the yard and look around and think: hey, look at that giant mound. Then I come back with: “Screw elephants, let’s make a dragon, a really really big dragon!”

Now in the real world the next thing that happens would be someone talking us down. But here in the Land of Hijinks, the next question is generally: “When can we start?” Or, “Who’s crazy enough to help?” Or, “High speed, time lapse, or stop motion?” Or, “I wonder what sort of pictures we could take with the finished product…”

Then you get things like this:

Photo: Kelly McCullough

Which looks like this from above (230 feet from nose to tail tip):

Photo: Kelly McCullough

And like this, with yours truly in the Vallejoesque role of the slave girl being rescued by the heroic barbarian…or something like that:

Photo Matthew A Kuchta

Or the filmic version of the construction (Video link for those who can’t see the embed):

(click on space above if video doesn’t appear immediately)

Building the Snow Dragon from Matt Kuchta on Vimeo.

So, that’s how things happen here in the Barony of Madcap in the Land of Hijinks.

More of Matt’s marvelous photos of the process can be found at his Flickr set.

With many thank yous to our enablers and volunteers, in this case: Todd Zimmerman, Ethan Zimmerman, Mandy Little, and Laura McCullough. And to Neil Gaiman for supplying the snow and the setting, and to Woodsman Hans for help on the snowblower front.