Kelly McCullough writes fantasy, science fiction, and books for kids of varying ages. He lives in Wisconsin with his physics professor wife and a small herd of cats. His novels include the WebMage and Fallen Blade series — Penguin/ACE, and the forthcoming School for Sidekicks — Feiwel and Friends/Macmillan. His short fiction has appeared in numerous magazines and anthologies. He also dabbles in science fiction as science education with The Chronicles of the Wandering Star — part of an NSF-funded science curriculum — and the science comic Hanny & the Mystery of the Voorwerp, which he co-authored and co-edited — funding provided by NASA and the Hubble Space Telescope. Kelly on Twitter, Facebook, G+, ello
Is today the day for the competitive sleep off?
I don’t know, it’s too bright out to check the roster.
I’m going to throw down just in case. 3.2.1. zzzzz….
I call this one Cannonball Z
Dance party and sleep off in one move!
Did someone say dance party?
Oooh, I’m always in for dancing I’ve got the legs for it. 200 of them!
I’ve got the disco floor lit up!
Don’t ask me, I was hired for the sleep off, as a couch…
She’s behind me, isn’t she?
What the hell is with the frog?
I think something like this…
Cats are sooooooo weird.
She’s behind me again, I just know it.
That’s it, I’m going to watch something really surreal…
Like this Gratuitous Author Cream Pie Sequence:*
With thanks to Neil Gaiman, Matt Kuchta, and the ever game Laura McCullough,
Is it just me or is this gravity poorly adjusted?
I’m ready, I have feathers!
I’m not quite sure that’s how it works…
I am going to cling to the thumb-monkey just in case.
In proper cat household, thumb-monkey clings to you.
I think I will cling to this plate of tuna.
With thanks to Matt, Mandy, and Neil for the extra cats.
All right, we’re taking over this cat blogging thing, back me up.*
………………………………………………………………………I like scratching!
Oh, this is gonna end well…
We will conquer!
Ja, right. Watch dis.
I will defend the honor of mah kittehs to the death!**
Glad you’re on that man, because it’s my nap day.
Da boss says I gotta climb you, monkey.
That’s not how you climb a monkey.
THIS is how you climb a monkey.
Dammit, coup foiled and exiled to the bathroom. AGAIN.
*The Invaders courtesy of Matt and Mandy
**Thanks to SMM Photography for the kitty hero shot.
The bits that bore, the facts that fail!
Beware the as-you-know, Bobs
And handwavious exegesis!
Take not the purple pen in hand:
Lest too long the tedious plot be splained —
Then resist the by-the-way asides,
And babble not the it-all-begans.
And hast thou slain the infodump?
Come to my arms pithy child!
O laconic day! Compact! Concise!’
He chortled in his brevity
And, yes, I know it doesn’t scan perfectly, but I was trying to keep it brief…
The process that is.
See also: will commit doggerel for food.
Monkey, I’m not in the sun. Move me.
Srsly? That’s lazy even by cat standards.
Hey, learning to levitate is suuuper tiring. Back off!
I can “levitate” too. See.
What is wrong with you cats? You’re embarrassing the species.
Oh, the drama! Oh woe! Oh wurra!
I’m rolling my eyes. Can you see me rolling my eyes?
Who the hell are you?
Just a squirrel on a porch swing, hangin’
I know what to with squirrels. Get in my mouf.
That’s it. I’m out of here.