Friday Cat Blogging

All right, we’re taking over this cat blogging thing, back me up.*

On it.

………………………………………………………………………I like scratching!

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Oh, this is gonna end well…

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We will conquer!

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Ja, right. Watch dis.

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I will defend the honor of mah kittehs to the death!**

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Glad you’re on that man, because it’s my nap day.

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Da boss says I gotta climb you, monkey.

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That’s not how you climb a monkey.

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THIS is how you climb a monkey.

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Dammit, coup foiled and exiled to the bathroom. AGAIN.

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*The Invaders courtesy of Matt and Mandy

**Thanks to SMM Photography for the kitty hero shot.

Infodumpy: a “poem”

 I blame Dana Baird…

Beware the infodump, my child!
The bits that bore, the facts that fail!
Beware the as-you-know, Bobs
And handwavious exegesis!

Take not the purple pen in hand:
Lest too long the tedious plot be splained —
Then resist the by-the-way asides,
And babble not the it-all-begans.

And hast thou slain the infodump?
Come to my arms pithy child!
O laconic day! Compact! Concise!’
He chortled in his brevity

Dana and I were on this panel at CONvergence and she said “Beware the infodump!” and this has been percolating ever since…

And, yes, I know it doesn’t scan perfectly, but I was trying to keep it brief…

The process that is.

See also: will commit doggerel for food.

Friday Cat Blogging

Hey, Dude, I think your snowblower needs a tune up.

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The hell was that?

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Woodchuck.

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Groundhog.

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Whistlepig.*

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…the hell?

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I think that was my monkey.

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Really? Looks like a frog to me.

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See.

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Wait, was that cat made out concrete?

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Wood.

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*Thanks to Kim and Jonny for numerous contributions to the surreality.

Friday Cat Blogging

What do we want?

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Opposable thumbs!

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When do we want them?

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Zzzzzz

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…I mean: Yesterday at the latest!

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How will we get there?

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Irresponsible genetic manipulation!

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Who is best?

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Mad scientists!*

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*Nota Bene Spider:** some prefer to be called evil genius

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**Why did you think the asterisk was shaped that way?

How Fast I Write

Someone asked how fast I write compared to other writers. Since I thought that might be something of interest to some of you. Here’s my response:
 
An average working science fiction novelist can reliably produce something in the neighborhood of one book a year at around 100,000 words. Some, including some of the best, are slower—1 book every 2-5 years.
 
I can reliably write around 200,000 publishable words a year in fiction and another 50,000 of nonfiction. I’ve written 100,000 in 88 days for deadline, but that’s really pushing what I can manage. I’m considered a very fast writer by most of my peers, but there are a small number of people in the industry who are considerably faster.
 
I know writers who can produce 1,000,000 publishable words in a year.
 
Gaming and tie-in writers tend to be on the faster end of things, and, while it’s a slightly different skill set, I respect their work enormously. I can’t do some of the things they do at anything like the speed. I know because I’ve tried writing in other people’s worlds and I find it very hard.
 
For me that’s produced something like 5,000,000 words in the 25 years I’ve been writing. From there, a guesstimate puts me at something between 15,000 and 25,000 hours of hands on keyboard writing time, which has been something between 35% and 65% of the job depending on where I’ve been at in my career.

Friday Cat Blogging

Monkey, I’m not in the sun. Move me.

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Srsly? That’s lazy even by cat standards.

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Hey, learning to levitate is suuuper tiring. Back off!

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I can “levitate” too. See.

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What is wrong with you cats? You’re embarrassing the species.

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Oh, the drama! Oh woe! Oh wurra!

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I’m rolling my eyes. Can you see me rolling my eyes?

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I can.

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Who the hell are you?

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Just a squirrel on a porch swing, hangin’

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I know what to with squirrels. Get in my mouf.

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That’s it. I’m out of here.

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Friday Cat Blogging

Four cats can get along in a small space if one of them is concrete.

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Did you just call me stoned?

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I hate you so much.

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I hate squirrels.

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I’m a squirrel. Don’t hate me because I’m adorable and you’re a cat.

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I summon the dark forces of feline angst to smite thee, red one.

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Friday Cat Blogging

Want to see a joke? It’s really funny. Watch!

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I gave her the tuna kit. Hee!

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That’s cruel.

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And NOT funny.

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Knocked me ded.

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I thought it was funny.

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You are WRONG! Not getting tuna is NEVER funny.

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Forget the jokes, how do I get da fissies?

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Guest cats by M&M and N.

 

Friday Cat Blogging

You’re not my real monkey and I don’t have to do a thing you say.

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True, but it might have food!

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Food is good.

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Food is insufficient reason to acquiesce to monkey hegemony.

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I don’t know monkey hegemony is working okay for me so far…

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Monkey hegemony is boring. Really really really boring.

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But it comes with BELLY RUBS! So, is all okay, yes?

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With thanks to the usual suspects for letting me put words in the mouths of their cats. See also: Matt, Mandy, Neil.

Belated Friday Cat Blogging

Plotting to get someone else to take over the world for me.

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That seems like a lot of steps…

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You don’t expect me to do any of the actual work myself, do you?

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Good point, world conquest is a lot of work.

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And work makes me all zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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That’s why the towelphants will win in the end!

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