Author
Hooray for Friday Caterpillar Blogging!
Da hell?*
This isn’t going to end well…
I like caterpillars. They are delicious!
Dat not so bad.
What about frogs?
Frogs are also delicious!
I would not eat a frog. Not with a dog. Not in a bog.
Only if someone else catches it for me. Because I ain’t amovin.
Man, it’s a good thing cats are so lazy.
Not all cats!
Thanks to Matt Kuchta, Mandy Little, Neil Gaiman, and the Hot Tub Frog for various guest animals.
Froggy went a catting…
Just no.
I’d love to participate in this, but…well, no. Ima just gonna nap here.
I find the entire exercise distate…distava…in poor taste.
You nap-tay-toh. I say nap-tah-to…
Is today the day for the competitive sleep off?
I don’t know, it’s too bright out to check the roster.
I’m going to throw down just in case. 3.2.1. zzzzz….
I call this one Cannonball Z
Dance party and sleep off in one move!
Did someone say dance party?
Oooh, I’m always in for dancing I’ve got the legs for it. 200 of them!
I’ve got the disco floor lit up!
…the hell?
Don’t ask me, I was hired for the sleep off, as a couch…
She’s behind me, isn’t she?
Yeperrrbit!
What the hell is with the frog?
I think something like this…
Cats are sooooooo weird.
She’s behind me again, I just know it.
That’s it, I’m going to watch something really surreal…
Like this Gratuitous Author Cream Pie Sequence:*
Pie with Neil (closed captioned version) from Matt Kuchta on Vimeo.
With thanks to Neil Gaiman, Matt Kuchta, and the ever game Laura McCullough,
Is it just me or is this gravity poorly adjusted?
I’m ready, I have feathers!
I’m not quite sure that’s how it works…
I am going to cling to the thumb-monkey just in case.
In proper cat household, thumb-monkey clings to you.
I think I will cling to this plate of tuna.
With thanks to Matt, Mandy, and Neil for the extra cats.
All right, we’re taking over this cat blogging thing, back me up.*
On it.
………………………………………………………………………I like scratching!
Oh, this is gonna end well…
We will conquer!
Ja, right. Watch dis.
I will defend the honor of mah kittehs to the death!**
Glad you’re on that man, because it’s my nap day.
Da boss says I gotta climb you, monkey.
That’s not how you climb a monkey.
THIS is how you climb a monkey.
Dammit, coup foiled and exiled to the bathroom. AGAIN.
*The Invaders courtesy of Matt and Mandy
**Thanks to SMM Photography for the kitty hero shot.
Take not the purple pen in hand:
Lest too long the tedious plot be splained —
Then resist the by-the-way asides,
And babble not the it-all-begans.
And hast thou slain the infodump?
Come to my arms pithy child!
O laconic day! Compact! Concise!’
He chortled in his brevity
And, yes, I know it doesn’t scan perfectly, but I was trying to keep it brief…
The process that is.
See also: will commit doggerel for food.
Hey, Dude, I think your snowblower needs a tune up.
The hell was that?
Woodchuck.
Groundhog.
Whistlepig.*
…the hell?
I think that was my monkey.
Really? Looks like a frog to me.
See.
Wait, was that cat made out concrete?
Wood.
*Thanks to Kim and Jonny for numerous contributions to the surreality.
What do we want?
Opposable thumbs!
When do we want them?
Zzzzzz
…I mean: Yesterday at the latest!
How will we get there?
Irresponsible genetic manipulation!
Who is best?
Mad scientists!*
*Nota Bene Spider:** some prefer to be called evil genius
**Why did you think the asterisk was shaped that way?