New Zealand Diaries #4 (Courtesy Laura McCullough)

New Zealand* part 1**

30 Dec. I wake up slowly and groggy from the muscle relaxant I took for my back. A lazy morning in the hotel room. There is a lot of the UK in NZ. All outlets have switches next to them; they drive on the left; the language is closer to British English than American English, roundabouts on the roads, a tea-drinking culture, pubs rather than bars, no screens on the windows, metric system rather than our messy system. But it’s different too: they say “kgs” not “kilos”, they have special words that we didn’t see in the UK, the Maori influence is very obvious, it’s freaking TROPICAL!, bare feet are acceptable most places. It feels like Scotland and Hawaii smashed together. The landscape is hilly and sheepy, but with palm trees in the warmer areas. Mountains rise up in the background of most any view landward, but they are smaller than what we consider mountains. There are active volcanoes and frequent earthquakes.

Around 0900 or 1000 we get up and wander around looking for an open breakfast place. We find a sports bar serving food with windows open wide to the sidewalk, and football (by which I mean soccer) on the telly. They have eggs and streaky bacon on toast, which sounds lovely. I get mine sans toast. Free tea with meals on Mondays, so we have tea too. Lots of patrons watching the game. There are a lot of TVs showing football, rugby, and cricket in the various pubs we patronized. There is a small gambling corner in the back of the pub.

We head up to Auckland “Domain” which seems to be a word for large park. There is a museum at the top of the hills. The walk is beautiful and green, and the trees! The trees! We never got over our wonder at the amazing huge trees that cover NZ. It’s very hilly (that could be repeated for most every place we were). Rain then sun then rain. We walked through a small park (Albert’s Park) with great trees and a big fountain. Past the University of Auckland–I would have stopped in if it wasn’t holiday week. A sign on the science building says “Maths and Nzima”. What the heck is that? Then into the Domain itself. Hills, paths, trees, greens, art. On to the Museum. There is a large courtyard with a memorial and the courtyard is designated “consecrated ground”. The memorial is dedicated “to our glorious dead”. Creepy and neat. The museum was the typical awesome museum–more than you’d ever be able to absorb in one visit. We got tickets to a Maori performance which was great. There are three meanings to kia ora: hello, thank you, and good/nice. It’s generally pronounced “key-OAR-ah” very quickly. The performance included poi dancing (small poofy balls on short strings attached to sticks) and small sticks used both for percussion and stick throwing skill games. Larger sticks are used for strength and dexterity development. As an oral society, they did a lot of chanting. When the guitar was introduced in the 19th c. the chanting developed harmonies.

The haka dance is a pre-war battle dance to gather strength and intimidate your enemies. It is definitely intimidating! Lots of foot stamping and chest slapping and shouting and chanting. The main narrator of the performance had a beautiful fluid delivery when speaking Maori and then a more clipped English style. Interesting to hear the switch. The clothing was great to see. Overall it was a wonderful introduction to Maori culture!

The museum had a very nice armory including a Colt revolving rifle and an actual nodachi sword. Beautiful wooden furniture from the settlers. A large Maori hall of memory where you took your shoes off before entering the low door to show respect. Learning staffs denoting higher education including occult education. A 100-person war canoe made from one log! Basalt chimes with a hammer to strike them. A moa skeleton–maybe 3 meters tall? That would have been one scary bird to encounter! Beautiful stained glass in the war memorial upstairs.

We walk back towards home, stopping at a cafe for juice, since I’m dehydrated. We take Lovers Lane back through the Domain. It follows a small creek and is secluded and forested. Soothing and rejuvenating. The weather continues to shift every 20-30 minutes between rain and sun. There is a glass house with a “winter garden”. A young couple is snogging on the banks of the stream. A photographer is taking wedding photos in the garden. One large tree branch had a crutch–a post in the sidewalk supporting the massive horizontal branch.

There is a bookstore with tiny aisles and too many people. Decent SFF selection though none of Kelly’s books. We had burritos again for lunch, since there are still so few places open. Several sidewalk pavers outside the grocery store had the silverleaf logo that is a NZ icon. Back to Shakespeare’s pub for 2 more pints of delicious cider. (Hey, most places were closed!) This time we drink on the upstairs patio since it is currently sunny out. A middle-aged Asian woman walking by below has bright red dyed hair with bangs and pigtails; somehow it looks remarkably well on her. Back to the room to pack up. We get tickets to Hobbiton for tomorrow–holy crap we are going to Hobbiton!

There are a lot of obvious tourists from many places. We heard many German/Austrian accents in our two weeks, probably the most common after various types of English speakers. Lots of Kiwis on holiday now so lots of that accent floating about.

NZ Travel Diary #1

NZ Travel Diary #2

NZ Travel Diary #3

NZ Travel Diary #4

*I’ve been traveling in Hawaii and New Zealand and will be posting links to the pictures soon.

**Whenever we travel my wife does a travel diary while I take most of the pictures. I use her notes as my references for later use for books and other things. She has been gracious enough to allow me to share them here on my site for those who are interested.

New Zealand Diaries #3 (Courtesy Laura McCullough)

New Zealand* part 1**

27 Dec. We are in the penultimate row for our flight from Honolulu to Auckland: 39 of 40. Our seat mate notices that the last row is empty, and moves back. A flight attendant moves him forward again since that last row is reserved for flight attendants in case of depressurization. He is a cheerful Kiwi man and is a pleasant seatmate. He has a dark rum & apple juice with dinner. The Air New Zealand flight crew has beautiful colorful uniforms. Great accents, and a very diverse looking crew. The in-flight safety video was LOTR themed! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBlRbrB_Gnc The flight attendants are friendly and mostly mellow but firm; your armrest needs to be down, your windowshade up, and don’t try to sneak off to pee before the seat belt sign is turned off! The plane had nice leg room and the seats reclined a long way, which is nice except when trying to eat from your tray. And I got two gluten-free meals! They mixed up my dinner and breakfast, but it was tasty. Dinner was scrambled eggs and ham and potato wedges while brekkie was fish, potato wedges, and veg mix. (The Kiwis write it vege.) Kelly had hot meals too. Lots of in-flight entertainment on the in-seat screen, including Hobbit part one. Kelly watched The Wolverine. He often uses airplane trips to see movies that he knows I don’t want to watch. Slept a few hours on the 8.75 hour flight. Our inflatable neck pillows both developed leaks. Oh well.

29 Dec. We arrive in Auckland around 7 am, noon at home (no daylight savings time here). Get through immigration just fine. Customs and agriculture flag my shoes and we get sent to another checkpoint. My shoes are dipped in a (presumed) bleach mix, and our bags are x-rayed again. Out we go into the airport proper. Our first view is of a 25′ tall dwarf statue in the lobby. Oh, yes, we are in NZ! Our car won’t be ready till 1030 so we wait around. Buy a map, some banana-flavoured milk, a car charger for the iPads. We try to buy some Cadbury’s chocolate, but the clerk convinces us to try Whittaker’s. That’s the local chocolate. We’re here to experience NZ, so what the heck! We buy a block of caramel (gooey center), rum & raisin (tasty!), and the mysterious L&P flavor with popping candy inside. Walk around airport, check on buying a local SIM card for the phone, say to ourselves “we’re in NZ!”. Enjoy being outside in shirt sleeves.

Around 1015 we get our car (NOT a manual transmission) and head out. Driving on the left here, like the UK. As our Jamaican shuttle driver said: “The left side is the right side, and the right side is suicide.” Only here there is barely enough traffic to be concerned if you were on the right! As I put the car in reverse it makes a weird beeping noise. In park it shuts off. Try again: beep! Hmm. No clue. I back out and we head off to downtown Auckland. They don’t say downtown, they use CBD. Not that I know what it means. The trip to downtown is simple, gives me a chance to learn the car and the roads. We find our hotel via smartphone GPS, and pull in. The valet tells us how to get to the self-park garage. Around the block we go and then into the car park. This was probably the scariest part of the first week of driving. The ramps up to the next level were extremely narrow–I had to back up and try again three times with Kelly guiding me from outside to get up the ramp. Then we discovered what the beeping was: a proximity alert for aid in parking! It beeps in the location of the car where an object is closest. This was extremely handy many times.

We ask if our room is ready even though it is only 1100. Politeness often helps when doing this. There is a room ready, on the top floor! It’s a corner room with a fantastic view of the city and of the SkyTower a block away. Jackpot! We finally shower, for which our fellow pedestrians will thank us. It’s been a long day. And the particularly observant will note that our flight left on 27 Dec and arrived on 29 Dec. That’s right, we missed 28 Dec entirely due to crossing the date line overnight on the plane. The hotel is doing its part for the environment; there is not just a “no towel service, leave on rack” sign, but a sign for “no service needed”. Our kind of place! They recycle old linens to a charity shop, and do other things to reduce their waste and footprint. It was a Rydges hotel, and it was lovely. There was swing music playing from the TV as we got in, and chocolates on the bed. The room service menu included a picnic lunch order form, and you can request GF bread! Wow! We get dressed and head out.

Downstairs we ask the clerk if the next two days are booked since this looks like a cool place for New Years Eve. He suggests trying online–not too many rooms left. It is Sunday 29 December in downtown–not a lot of places open. The whole country take off the two weeks for Xmas and NYE as a summer holiday. Wander around downtown, find our way to a Mexican place that is both open and has GF options. Mad Mex; they had a naked burrito with no wrap. Excellent and cheap. Food is expensive here, both in the grocery store and the restaurants. But there is no tipping, so that lowers the cost compared to home, as does the exchange rate. Walk to the quay, where there is a beautiful old building and huge ferries and boats and art and cool stuff. Lots of shopping, like most downtowns. Not our thing, especially at the beginning of a two-week trip where we know we’ll have to carry anything we buy.

We head back to our hotel and stop at a grocery store for dinner fixings. Then we walk past Shakespeare’s Pub and are tempted by a pint. We try the Monteith’s cider on draught and it is amazing. Clear, crisp, really refreshing. NZD17 for two pints. The pub tables have a clever shelf under the table surface for bags and such. When we get to our hotel the clerk catches us and asks if we have managed to get a reservation, since there are few rooms left. Nice service!

We rest in the room, healing up from the flight. Kelly has a tetchy knee, and my back is not doing well after that long flight. Around 1600 we head to the SkyTower since it’s only a block away. Very well worth it! There is a long elevator flight up to the 51st floor (glass panel in the floor of the elevator). The observation deck there has glass panels all around the outside edge. It is fun to watch who is afraid to step on them and who is not. Kelly has to work up his courage to do it, while it doesn’t bother me at all. Finally–a place where I am more adventurous than Kelly! There is a second elevator to go up to level 60 or so and another observation deck. Great views of the city. It’s cloudy and in the upper 60s or lower 70s. There is a line jump point above level 60 where you can get kitted up and attached to two long wires to the ground, then you jump and slide down them. Fun to watch, but neither of us has any inclination to try it. On the first observation deck is a sign: “Next jumper in 4 minutes”. You can also get dressed in a suit and skywalk around the outside edge of the tower with safety lines attached. That looks more interesting, but Kelly isn’t having any. It’s very cool up there. We see our hotel and our corner room–easy to identify this time! We stop on level 50 for the coffee lounge and get a cider for me (Mac’s Isaac’s Cider–meh) and Jameson for the brave soul who is conquering his fear of heights. How he climbed mountains is beyond me.

Then a quiet night in the hotel room listening to swing music and drinking merlot. The hotel rooms all have electric kettles and good tea boxes with coffee and tea. Some have cocoa too, some have herbal tea. Most of our rooms also had fridges and wine glasses as well. We went with mid-to-high level rooms, probably averaging $100-$120 a night. The fridges were nice since we often eat at least one meal a day in our room. And everywhere we went, there was milk for your tea. A few places had little creamer cups in the fridge, but more often we got milk when we checked in. It was an assumption that you wanted milk. Sometimes the question was “would you like milk?” but more often it was “regular or trim milk?”. Ah, the joys of the tea-drinking culture.

NZ Travel Diary #1

NZ Travel Diary #2

NZ Travel Diary #3

*I’ve been traveling in Hawaii and New Zealand and will be posting links to the pictures soon.

**Whenever we travel my wife does a travel diary while I take most of the pictures. I use her notes as my references for later use for books and other things. She has been gracious enough to allow me to share them here on my site for those who are interested.

New Zealand Diaries #2 (Courtesy Laura McCullough)

Pre-New Zealand* (Hawaii for Christmas!) part 2**

26 Dec. Wake around 8:00, pretty exhausted still. A slow breakfast on the lanai: pineapple, banana, yogurt, POG juice, cheese, and boiled eggs. Wander out to the beach again. There is a beach warning up: Jellyfish. Signs all over the place. Stay out of water! Despite the warning, many are in the water. And many get out of the water to go to the lifeguard station for jellyfish sting treatment. Lots of folks with bags of ice held to various body parts. Quite unimpressed with the parents of the 2yo whom they were treating for a sting. Read the signs, people! There is a huge military ship far off in the water. Several para-sailors out a ways. One adventurous group of tourists was in a large catamaran, paddling away. There are a lot of homeless people here, sleeping in the beach huts. The surf instructors seem to be a tight community. One sits down on the bench next to us with his breakfast. A barefoot little girl approaches him cautiously, no parents in sight. He offers her a bite. Obviously he knows her but she isn’t his. Police officer walking the beach said good morning to two likely-homeless older people on the bench near us. He went out surfing later, she was applying makeup. Surfers are in good shape–you have to be. One surf instructor is typical polynesian body type with wide shoulders and broad chest. Gorgeous long black hair. He carries a surfboard back to the hut one handed, board straight up. Then he tosses it in the air and catches it to put it away. I admit to admiring that one a bit!

We walked to the same fish tacos place for lunch. They were that good. Walked back to hotel via the canal. Fish fish fish! There is a tiny 3-story building visible from our room in the midst of skyscrapers, so we find it to identify it. Cooper Apartments. How old must this building be? Several of the hotels have pools with koi, and we see the biggest koi we’ve ever seen. It must have been well over a foot long and very thick. Definitely seeing the carp side of the family there. Back to the hotel for a poolside mai tai, taking advantage of the free wifi there. It’s hot and humid and sunny, so we perforce are staying in the shade in a little pavilion poolside. Another dinner on the lanai of banana, pineapple, ham, cheese. I finish off the bottle of barely adequate wine, while Kelly tries a pineapple rum drink from a can. His drink is quite good! More lounging about–the Honolulu interlude is all about resting up for the real trip.

27 Dec. Today we leave Hawaii for New Zealand! Uber excited! Up around 7:30 for a five-fruit breakfast: pineapple yogurt, passion-orange-guava juice, and fresh papaya halves with lemon. I guess that is six fruits! We check out at noon, but our airport shuttle picks us up at 7:30 pm. Mostly a day of rest. Walking around, looking at people, looking at the beach. Tacos for lunch, and then tacos for dinner too. Yes, they really were fantastic. And we were in the land of chain restaurants, so this at least was local food. Several hours spent poolside with mai tais. Great service from the poolside bar. We picked up our luggage at 7:00 pm and went to wait for our 7:30 shuttle. The 7:00 shuttle showed up around 7:15 so we grabbed that one. Turns out President Obama was in town and there were lots of traffic jams all over. We had an exciting loooooong trip to the airport with secret service agents and local police officers re-directing traffic. Our flight check-in period ended at 2030 and we arrived at 2020. Cutting it close! No problem at check-in despite the 7 kg carry-on limit and our bags are 9 and 10 kg. Great service from Air New Zealand at check-in. Usual annoying wait outside the waiting room (most Hawaii flights do this). And the usual crabby people heading home from Hawaii. We’ve had flight attendants tell us they love the flights TO Hawaii, with excited people starting vacation. They don’t love the return flight with sunburned crabby exhausted people. Another wait in the waiting room, and then we board our flight to New Zealand!

NZ Travel Diary #1

NZ Travel Diary #2

NZ Travel Diary #3

*I’ve been traveling in Hawaii and New Zealand and will be posting links to the pictures soon.

**Whenever we travel my wife does a travel diary while I take most of the pictures. I use her notes as my references for later use for books and other things. She has been gracious enough to allow me to share them here on my site for those who are interested.

New Zealand Diaries #1 (Courtesy Laura McCullough)

Pre-New Zealand* (Hawaii for Christmas!) part 1**

24 Dec, staying with friends before flying out. It’s 12 below F out as we wake up in St. Paul. Cab picks up up at 7 am. Major accident on bridge across Mississippi: more than 14 cars on the side of the road in various states of smush. Charge up our iPads and iPhones at the gate. The plane 2-3-2 seating and we are on the right side, very comfortable. We use alcohol wipes on the trays and seats, having just read about MRSA and other nasties on airplanes. Woman across the aisle notices, asks if we have an extra wipe. She is tiny, maybe 4′ 10″. Flight from MSP to LAX is fine. 3 hour layover in LAX. Eat at Rock&Beat; gluten free pizza! A drink called Blue Suede Shoes. Kelly has a burger and Jameson. People at next table make trouble for waitress and she flees for 15 minutes. Other servers take her place. Gate agent says “Merry Christmas” into PA microphone, waits for response from crowd. No response. Tries again: “Merry Christmas!” and crowd at gate responds “Merry Christmas!”.

Flight from LAX to Honolulu is OK. Bumpy, but a quiet companion in our aisle. Arrive in HNL around 6 pm and it is already dark! Surprising. We usually arrive in early January. Agents for our vacation package are at gate with leis. Leis and alohas all around. Shuttle takes us to our hotel via downtown street. Festival of Lights is happening and there are beautiful displays all over. We saw a snowflake! (In lights.) Driver had a good patter. Our hotel is nice: Ohana (means Family) Waikiki. Check in around 8 pm, and there is a gift from our travel agent, a box of chocolate macadamia nuts. How sweet! There is a restaurant in building (Chilis, but, what the heck) with a GF menu. I have salmon, Kelly has tilapia. Somewhat disappointing to have no local food on menu, but the food is fine. Back to our room on the 14th floor for bed at 10 pm.

25 Dec. Mele Kalikimaka! (Merry Christmas in Hawaiian). Up around 7:30, though dozing since 5:30. It’s a four-hour time difference, so that’s not bad for our first night. Shower (aaaaaaaah) and head across the street to the grocery store. POG! Pineapple-orange-guava juice. Yum yum yum. Also yogurt and cheese and meat. We eat on the lanai (deck) looking at beautiful views of downtown Honolulu. There is a beauty to the urban environment, though I prefer more rural views. A gorgeous double rainbow shows up to serenade us. White pigeons flitter around looking for handouts–we don’t feed birds so they leave us quickly.

Clean up, head for Waikiki Beach. We have some trouble finding our way past the hotels, but eventually make it out via a hotel pool yard. Lots of sun, high 70s temp, people in shorts, swimsuits, sandals. The waves are little tiny things, though out a way there are lots of people doing surf lessons. Santa hats made from aloha fabrics. Xmas tree on beach: an older lady with a funny Mrs.-Clause-in-a-bikini coverup takes our picture for us. Very few boogie boards–sad, that. Splish about in the water and walk along in the bright sun past hotel after hotel after hotel. Sit on park bench between road & beach for maybe an hour, enjoying the ocean view and the people watching. Lots of Asians around. Lots of bikinis–few single-piece suits. Many people leaving the beach barefoot, and many with surfboards. They aren’t that much weight but they are very awkward to carry. There is an odd optical illusion on the ocean: the far-out water is much darker and our boogie boarding reflexes keep making us think it is a HUGE wave. It is quite distracting for a while.

We walk along the main drag to the International Market. I remember this place from our first time in Honolulu many years ago. It is rare for me to remember anything long-term, so this is fun for me. We pass a guy with a shirt from Emily, MN. Stop to chat with him; he is here on vacation. End up at a food court, looking for fish tacos. I really want fish tacos for lunch. We find Hawaiian Tacos, with GF-labeled tacos! Delicious fish or shrimp with pineapple cream sauce. Oh so yummy. Back to hotel for noon siesta–a two-hour nap. We laze about while the sun is strongest. Then onto the pool deck level for a few minutes of wifi. Head back to grocery store for dinner supplies. We eat on the lanai again: banana, pineapple, ham, cheese, peanut butter and wine. Fancy, yes? The tree below us might be a banyan, and is filled with loud birds. They are noisiest at dawn and dusk. Magpies? Can’t tell. Sun is down by 6:00 again. Still exhausted.

NZ Travel Diary #1

NZ Travel Diary #2

NZ Travel Diary #3

*I’ve been traveling in Hawaii and New Zealand and will be posting links to the pictures soon.

**Whenever we travel my wife does a travel diary while I take most of the pictures. I use her notes as my references for later use for books and other things. She has been gracious enough to allow me to share them here on my site for those who are interested.

Kindle, Text to Speech, and the Author’s Guild

It is with extreme caution that I dip a toe in these waters, but several people have now asked me what I thought of the Author’s Guild position on the Kindle II, and particularly how it may cause real harm to blind or visually impaired readers, and…I do have an opinion. I know that’s a shocker, isn’t it.

To begin with and just to be absolutely clear, I’m in support of the Kindle’s voice feature being generally available. I feel that the benefits to those who have difficulties reading are greater than the potential future hazards to author income.

Now, on to the explanation, which requires some set up. Start with my understanding that (due in part to ADA mandates) all modern American book contracts always include a voice rights for the disabled clause. So, for example, when Minnesota Radio for the blind wanted to broadcast WebMage, that was automatically an allowed usage. I didn’t even hear about it until the book had been running on the radio for several weeks. Had it been the case that they’d had to ask, I’d have been delighted to give permission, but that’s neither here nor there. The important first point is that audio rights for the disabled are automatic, and I don’t know of anyone who is opposed to that.

Next step, the Kindle II and what the author’s guild is trying to do. If the Kindle’s voice feature was aimed only at the disabled audience I am quite certain that the AG would not oppose this. However, it’s a generalized feature and that means that anyone can use it.

Now, an excellent argument can be made that this in no way competes with actual audio book rights because there’s simply no comparison between a talented voice actor and a machine conversion of text-to-speech. A counter argument can be made (and this is I think at the core of the AG objection) that that’s true now, but…what if in 20 years text-to-speech advances enough that it does become a real competitor? If that happens and no protest was made at this point, a court could well find that in not protesting the Kindle II, authors waived their rights to protest the new advanced technology for which they are now not going to be paid. For that matter, what about non-fiction where intonation and story-telling don’t really matter?

Since the publishing industry has a long established tradition of grabbing rights and not paying for them, the changing technology puts the AG in the position of either protesting Kindle II in a way that makes them look really bad right now, or not protesting it and possibly causing significant loss of revenues to their membership at some unknown future point, or, possibly, tomorrow for non-fiction. Now, as I said at the outset, I think the generalized good of allowing the Kindle to use text-to-speech outweighs the possible risks to future authorial income, but at the same time, I sympathize with the fact that it puts the AG between a rock and a hard place. It is not nearly as easy a question as it seems.

So, no, the AG is not insane or evil, just in a difficult position and quite probably wrong.

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog April 13 2009, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)

Retro Friday Cat Blogging

Watch me do a bunny shadow next!

CB_144

Okay, now bring me a bucket of fish!

CB_145

It’s my chair now, buddy.

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See! I do too fit under here…I just can’t get out.

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I’m paused. Now, what?

CB_143

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog April 10 2009, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)

Retro Friday Cat Blogging

Wha…oh, it just you.

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I’m ready for my closeup.

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It’s snowing and I blame you

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Why yes, I did walk on your breakfast. Why do you ask?

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I knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men…me!

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(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog April 5 2009, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)

Friday Cat Blogging

Wait, who put that world out there?

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That was me. Totally my fault. Let me just find the off button, and I’ll fix it.

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What are you two on about now?

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All shall love me and despair!

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I’m thinking not. But that may just be me.

CB_1646

Words…Maybe I Do Care

Okay so a while back I talked about not getting hung up on the words. Today I was asked a writing question that made me think about how I use words and at what level I do care about specifics. The question came from a fan who is also a writer, and it went roughly like this: You always seem to have the right word, adverb, adjective, to capture the scene. Is that natural? How did you develop it?

Now, I don’t know that I would agree that I always have the right word, and I’m sure the Wyrdsmiths could point to any number of times where I absolutely don’t have it in the drafts that they see. And that’s in part because I really try not to get hung up on things at the sentence level when I’m going through a first draft. If it’s taking much longer than a few seconds to find the perfect word, I’ll just toss an approximation in there knowing that I’ll get closer to what I want on the next pass. That said, I do strive to make my prose smooth, sharp, and appropriate. Here’s my response to the question of how I worked to get my sentence level construction to the place it’s at currently:

It’s actually something that I worked hard to develop. My natural style is both more verbose and more academic. There were four conscious components involved.

The first was writing a bunch of short stories and having them critiqued by a friend who writes really bare bones prose. He made me much more aware of my multi-clausal and 25 cents word tendencies which got me to thinking about my prose on a more spare structural level.

Then I got in the habit of going back through stories after a year or more of ignoring them while I sent them out. By not even glancing at a story for a year I was able to arrive at a place where I was no longer invested in it at the sentence by sentence level. At that point I would set a fairly arbitrary goal of cutting ten percent of each story and trying to do it entirely by editing out redundancies and excess words at the sentence level rather than wholesale scene cuts. Another friend calls work at this level sentence origami because you’re taking sentences apart and refolding them to say the same thing with fewer words.

The third was a years long process of integrating those practices into my first draft process. The four things I really focused on there were teaching myself never to use a 25 cent word where a nickel word would work (less than ten characters wherever possible), trying never to let a sentence go over three manuscript lines (keeping it to two or less if I could), keeping paragraphs to a quarter page or less where possible and trying never to let them go over a third of a page, and eliminating passive voice constructions wherever possible. That last is probably the hardest for me and the one that I most often have to fix in successive drafts. It’s also the one that most forces me to find the right short word to express something.

The fourth is a practice of trying to find subject-appropriate metaphors, similes, and analogies. So, if I’m writing about Greek gods and computers I try to draw my comparatives from the classical myth structures and programming or electronics, whereas if I’m writing a theater book I strive to use theater language, or numismatics language for a coin-magic book. Something might be as black as the waters of the Styx in a WebMage book, or the velvet black of the front curtain in Winter of Discontent (my as yet unpublished Shakespearian magic book) book, or the tarnished black of a long buried silver penny in Numismancer (also unpublished).

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog March 30 2009, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)