The Swedish Inquisition

[Jarring Chord]

Door bursts open stage left, a voice offstage cries: “No one expects the Swedish Inquisition!”

Enter via the door: Gonzo, Crazy Harry, and the Swedish Chef all dressed in cardinal’s robes.

Chef: Nubudy ixpects zee Spuneesh Inqooeesishun! Oooor cheeeff veepun is soorpreese-a…soorpreese-a und feer…feer und soorpreese-a

Gonzo: Fear, Surprise, and Chickens!

Crazy Harry chuckles madly and pulls a dynamite plunger from under his robes.

Crazy Harry: Surprise!

Pushes down handle, and…

BOOM.

End Scene.

______________________________

Minutes pass.

The smoke fades.

Voice in the dark: Crazy Harry plays with thumbscrews!

Diabolical laughter.

Friday Cat Blogging

Worship me thumb-monkeys. Worship me!

CB_1689

What the hell? The thumb-monkeys worship ME. End of story.

CB_1693

Get over yourself. What they really ought to worship is moi.

CB_1694

Ha! The thumb-monkeys is mine. All mine!

CB_1695

Mad kitty cackles! Mine, mine!

CB_1697

I see your cackle and raise!

CB_1698

No, worship teh fluffy!

CB_1691

I iz fluff—is that a string?!?

CB_1690

We are not amused with your silly talk of worshiping other cats.

CB_1692

Nobody ever worships me. Sigh.

CB_1696

Today’s extra cats and arms brought to you by the letters C and W, and by the number 10. Also by Sean, Kat, Matt, Mandy, Neil, and Michael.

Public Metrics

Anyone who has followed me on social media for any length of time knows that I generally post my wordcounts and workout metrics. Anyone who has followed me through the end of a book knows that I also post my edit metrics to the extent that is possible.

There’s a reason for that. Well, several, actually. Since I am occasionally asked about it, I thought I would put together a post, so I can point people at the long form answer when it comes up. So, in rough order of importance…

1) Accountability. I am my own boss. With the exception of a few hard deadlines in the course of a book’s production, I don’t answer to anyone for anything. I don’t have to have a daily wordcount. I don’t have to have a weekly one. I don’t have to workout. All those things are my personal marks to hit. Since I’m lazy as well as a workaholic (both true, don’t ask) I know how easy it would be for me to ignore the work until the last minute. But you can’t do that with a book.

A book is an endurance event, and you have to keep chipping away at it. Likewise getting and staying in shape. It’s a daily process, no last minute cramming. By posting my metrics for all the world to see, I’m forcing myself to have a visible personal mark, and when I faceplant, I do it in the open. It keeps me honest and makes a huge difference in getting things done.

2) Visible model of a working artist. When I started writing there was no real internet, no good way to see what the day-to-day of a working writer looks like. Turns out, it’s fairly boring. You get up, you do your not-writing work, mostly sitting on your ass in front of a computer, you write, likewise mostly sitting on your ass in front of a computer. Posting my metrics provides a model for people who are interested in becoming writers. Hey, that’s how McCullough does it, maybe I can do it too… And, the workouts? If you’re a writer and you don’t have a fitness regime of some sort, all that ass sitting will turn you into a giant bowl of pudding.

Part of providing a model is posting when I fall behind or below my goals as well. Hey, look, I’m behind. Hey, look, I didn’t make my goals for the week. Hey, look, my brain took the day off and the rest of me went with it. Hey, look, I decided not to lift heavy things. Having to post that stuff is motivational for me—I REALLY don’t like failing. It also shows that you can do this and faceplant from time to time and still come out fine. I have never missed a deadline yet, though I know it will happen eventually.

3) It entertains me. Much of what I do I do because it entertains me. I did a university classroom visit recently—they were reading WebMage. The professor asked me:

So, I see that you have a ton of little references and in-jokes in this book that your target audience will probably miss—the “Say goodnight, Gracie” joke for example. I’m a generation older than you are, and that one isn’t something even everyone of my age would get. Since your audience is mostly a generation younger than you are, why do you put that in? Or some of the more obscure Shakespeariana?

My answer: Because it entertains me. There are other reasons as well, but the main reason I do many things is because they amuse or entertain me. Posting my metrics both bad and good entertains me.

4) Writing is a solitary business. I work at home alone, with only cats to keep me company. I am also an extrovert. I adore throwing parties and hanging out with cool people. Basically, I sustain myself with the blood of the living. Writing doesn’t give me much chance to do that. And, no, working in coffee shops or other crowded venues doesn’t work for me. I’ve tried. I’m about ten times as productive working in the quiet with no one around, and I need to be that productive to stay on top of my workload. Posting metrics is my equivalent of having coworkers or hanging out with the other gym rats—and no I don’t actually enjoy working out with other people either. I do much better when I’m competing only against myself.

5)  Social media presence. One of the things that the modern working writer really needs is a way to reach out to fans. In my case, I use social media, and social media is hungry, it needs content. Sometimes that content is funny bits that fall out of my head. Sometimes it’s microfiction like Dragon Diaries. In any case, you need to keep feeding it. Metrics make a good snack.

So, I post my metrics good and bad to stay accountable. I do it to show beginning writers what my day looks like. I do it because it entertains me. I do it because social activity keeps me sane. I do it because it works as promotion and engagement. For me at least, posting my metrics is a huge win.

Fear

I have been thinking a great deal about fear over the past few days. Fear and how it affects your life and your writing. I think this is true for any art, but I am a writer, so that’s how I’m going to frame this.

If you are going to succeed at writing you are going to write a certain amount of crap. You will write sentences that clunk and scenes that will later embarrass you. Some of your mistakes are likely to get published, preserved forever in amber where others will be able to see your failures and point and laugh. If you are especially lucky, people will still be mocking your mistakes long after they bury you.

You cannot let the fear of that stop you. Fear will kill your hopes deader than any horrible sentence or purple paragraph or complete failure. Fear keeps you from trying, and not trying means never succeeding. You cannot win if you don’t get in the game.

It’s hard, I know. I’ve been there. I was recently described as fearless by an old friend, which is part of what got me thinking about this.* That may be how it looks from the outside, but it’s not quite true. I have been afraid many times, both in this business and in my daily life. I am not fearless.

What I am is brutally brutally stubborn. I refuse to let fear stop me from doing what I want to do. I attempt things knowing that I will fail some of the time and that it will hurt.

Physically, I fear the bruises and cuts and burns that come with attempting hard things in the real world, but I won’t let that stop me from working my body or climbing a mountain or building and welding. In writing, I fear looking like a hack or a fool or a wannabe.

I fear these things, but I will not let that stop me. I have the scars and the awful reviews to prove it. But, what I also have is things that I have built, a body that is fit, books and stories that I am proud of. I have good reviews to go along with the bad and the respect of some of my peers.

I would have none of that if I let the fear stop me from trying. If I let the fear stop me from failing. If I let the fear stop me from succeeding.

Fear is the enemy. Don’t let it be the victor too.

__________________________________________

*Thanks Tim! I wouldn’t have written this without that post.

Friday Cat Blogging on Monday

It’s not late, it’s a SPECIAL EDITION!

Dude, shut up, I’m sunning myself here. About damn time you got rid of the snow.

CB_1685

Ayep, sunning myself because: PORCH

CB_1688

This had been here the whole time, hasn’t it? You’ve been hiding summer from me!

CB_1687

Why are you all out in the big blue room?

CB_1686

Yeah, what’s up with that?

CB_1684

Writing Environment: Minimum Conditions

What I need to be able to write:*

1) 10-12 square feet to myself.
2) A comfortable seat and someplace to put my feet up. Not sure why the feet being up matters so much, but it does. I find it almost impossible to work at a desk or table. Comfortable didn’t used to matter as much, but my back isn’t as forgiving as it was when I was thirty.
3) Relative quiet. White noise or instrumental music is fine, but lyrics or interesting conversation kill me dead.
4) 1-1/2 or more hours when I know I can just write.

Those are the necessities. It also helps if I have:

A) Power, though the longer battery life on each new laptop has made that less of an issue.
B) Caffeine readily available, tea or diet soda by preference, something that I can sip when I pause to think.
C) A nice view, preferably of green space or nature, though a college campus is fine to. A little bit of visual distraction that I can watch but don’t have to.

That’s really about it.

*This came up in comments in response to Samaire Provost on a facebook post and I thought some of the folks who wander by the blog might find it interesting.

Friday Cat Blogging

Do you know what I want?

CB_1678

That!*

CB_1679

That’d be awesome!

CB_1680

Yeah, well I want to be an editor. This red pen is delicious!

CB_1677

I want you all to go away and let me sleep in the sun.

CB_1681

 

Seconded!

 

CB_1682

Thirded! For once the cats have a good idea.

CB_1683

*Matt Kuchta has been channeling the cats again…

Friday Cat Blogging

Nip, it’s entirely covered with NIP!

CB_1674

Is it? I hadn’t notic—is that my paw?

CB_1673

OH WOW

CB_1676

Oh my dog, have you tried this stuff? Are you kidding, I AM this stuff.

CB_1672

Nip, you say? It does smell like it.

CB_1675

Maybe Ima take a little nip nap now…

CB_1671

I have no nip and I cannot stone…

CB_1670

Friday Cat Blogging

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

CB_1694

This?

CB_1693

Yes, THAT!

CB_1696

Oh, Laura’s Shade is a jellyfiss…

CB_1693

I knew that. Castle Gaiman cats can all see true shadows.

CB_1691

What’s that down there?

CB_1692

Shiny BEADS and TRINKETS!

CB_1695

Retro Friday Cat Blogging

The committee for feline domination takes a meeting

CB_194

I will killz teh chipmunk with mah mind

CB_191

I needs mah beauty sleep

CB_189

Well, I needs mah cutie sleep, so there

CB_190

Waz otter in previous life, sometimes has flashbacks

CB_192

What? Dis da gluten free shelf, right? I’z 100 percent gluten free

CB_193

 

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog June 26 2009, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)