Froggy went a catting…
Just no.
I’d love to participate in this, but…well, no. Ima just gonna nap here.
I find the entire exercise distate…distava…in poor taste.
You nap-tay-toh. I say nap-tah-to…
Belated Friday Cat Blogging
Is today the day for the competitive sleep off?
I don’t know, it’s too bright out to check the roster.
I’m going to throw down just in case. 3.2.1. zzzzz….
I call this one Cannonball Z
Dance party and sleep off in one move!
Did someone say dance party?
Oooh, I’m always in for dancing I’ve got the legs for it. 200 of them!
I’ve got the disco floor lit up!
…the hell?
Don’t ask me, I was hired for the sleep off, as a couch…
Friday Cat Blogging! With Special Guest Neil Gaiman
She’s behind me, isn’t she?
Yeperrrbit!
What the hell is with the frog?
I think something like this…
Cats are sooooooo weird.
She’s behind me again, I just know it.
That’s it, I’m going to watch something really surreal…
Like this Gratuitous Author Cream Pie Sequence:*
Pie with Neil (closed captioned version) from Matt Kuchta on Vimeo.
With thanks to Neil Gaiman, Matt Kuchta, and the ever game Laura McCullough,
Friday Cat Blogging
Is it just me or is this gravity poorly adjusted?
I’m ready, I have feathers!
I’m not quite sure that’s how it works…
I am going to cling to the thumb-monkey just in case.
In proper cat household, thumb-monkey clings to you.
I think I will cling to this plate of tuna.
With thanks to Matt, Mandy, and Neil for the extra cats.
Friday Cat Blogging
All right, we’re taking over this cat blogging thing, back me up.*
On it.
………………………………………………………………………I like scratching!
Oh, this is gonna end well…
We will conquer!
Ja, right. Watch dis.
I will defend the honor of mah kittehs to the death!**
Glad you’re on that man, because it’s my nap day.
Da boss says I gotta climb you, monkey.
That’s not how you climb a monkey.
THIS is how you climb a monkey.
Dammit, coup foiled and exiled to the bathroom. AGAIN.
*The Invaders courtesy of Matt and Mandy
**Thanks to SMM Photography for the kitty hero shot.
Infodumpy: a “poem”
I blame Dana Baird…
Beware the infodump, my child!
The bits that bore, the facts that fail!
Beware the as-you-know, Bobs
And handwavious exegesis!
The bits that bore, the facts that fail!
Beware the as-you-know, Bobs
And handwavious exegesis!
Take not the purple pen in hand:
Lest too long the tedious plot be splained —
Then resist the by-the-way asides,
And babble not the it-all-begans.
And hast thou slain the infodump?
Come to my arms pithy child!
O laconic day! Compact! Concise!’
He chortled in his brevity
Dana and I were on this panel at CONvergence and she said “Beware the infodump!” and this has been percolating ever since…
And, yes, I know it doesn’t scan perfectly, but I was trying to keep it brief…
The process that is.
See also: will commit doggerel for food.
Friday Cat Blogging
Hey, Dude, I think your snowblower needs a tune up.
The hell was that?
Woodchuck.
Groundhog.
Whistlepig.*
…the hell?
I think that was my monkey.
Really? Looks like a frog to me.
See.
Wait, was that cat made out concrete?
Wood.
*Thanks to Kim and Jonny for numerous contributions to the surreality.
Friday Cat Blogging
What do we want?
Opposable thumbs!
When do we want them?
Zzzzzz
…I mean: Yesterday at the latest!
How will we get there?
Irresponsible genetic manipulation!
Who is best?
Mad scientists!*
*Nota Bene Spider:** some prefer to be called evil genius
**Why did you think the asterisk was shaped that way?
How Fast I Write
Someone asked how fast I write compared to other writers. Since I thought that might be something of interest to some of you. Here’s my response:
An average working science fiction novelist can reliably produce something in the neighborhood of one book a year at around 100,000 words. Some, including some of the best, are slower—1 book every 2-5 years.
I can reliably write around 200,000 publishable words a year in fiction and another 50,000 of nonfiction. I’ve written 100,000 in 88 days for deadline, but that’s really pushing what I can manage. I’m considered a very fast writer by most of my peers, but there are a small number of people in the industry who are considerably faster.
I know writers who can produce 1,000,000 publishable words in a year.
Gaming and tie-in writers tend to be on the faster end of things, and, while it’s a slightly different skill set, I respect their work enormously. I can’t do some of the things they do at anything like the speed. I know because I’ve tried writing in other people’s worlds and I find it very hard.
For me that’s produced something like 5,000,000 words in the 25 years I’ve been writing. From there, a guesstimate puts me at something between 15,000 and 25,000 hours of hands on keyboard writing time, which has been something between 35% and 65% of the job depending on where I’ve been at in my career.
Friday Cat Blogging
Monkey, I’m not in the sun. Move me.
Srsly? That’s lazy even by cat standards.
Hey, learning to levitate is suuuper tiring. Back off!
I can “levitate” too. See.
What is wrong with you cats? You’re embarrassing the species.
Oh, the drama! Oh woe! Oh wurra!
I’m rolling my eyes. Can you see me rolling my eyes?
I can.
Who the hell are you?
Just a squirrel on a porch swing, hangin’
I know what to with squirrels. Get in my mouf.
That’s it. I’m out of here.
