Kelly McCullough writes fantasy, science fiction, and books for kids of varying ages. He lives in Wisconsin with his physics professor wife and a small herd of cats. His novels include the, WebMage and Fallen Blade series — Penguin/ACE, School for Sidekicks, Magic, Madness, and Mischief, and the forthcoming Spirits, Spells, and Snark — Feiwel and Friends/Macmillan. His short fiction has appeared in numerous magazines and anthologies. He also dabbles in science fiction as science education with The Chronicles of the Wandering Star — part of an NSF-funded science curriculum — and the science comic Hanny & the Mystery of the Voorwerp, which he co-authored and co-edited — funding provided by NASA and the Hubble Space Telescope. Kelly on Twitter, Facebook, G+, ello

Monday Meows Cat Blogging

May 15, 2018 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Fiends, morons, contrarymen, I come to salad Caesar not to braise him

I love this speech!

The devil batmen livers are far from home;
The goal is oft scored with their bones;
Let the poor Bard rest in peace, dude.

So lettuce eat with Caesar. The noble butters
Hath told you Caesar was delicious:

I can’t take any more, I’m going over the wall, man.

Fly you fools!

If it were salad, it was the grooviest food,
And grooviously hath Caesar saladed it.
Oh, death, where is thy sweet sting?

Hey, if I mount the rostra, will I be inspired too?

I’m afraid not little buddy, alas. It takes true inspiration to emote.


Monday Meows

May 8, 2018 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

I’m busting us out of here. Cue the Mission Impossible Theme.

Duh-duh-duhna! Duh-duh-duhna!

Daring traverse sequence!

Duhna-na! Duhna-na!

Okay, moving on to the next dramatic posed shot.

Uhm, guys, I thought you liked it there…

He’s got a point.

Shut up, I’m heroing!

Actually now that he mentions it…

Yeah, my brother’s got a point.


Look, I’m going to…there’s screen up here too. Little help, guys?

Hush…I’m Batman!

Monday Meows

April 30, 2018 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

What’s that? Okay, I do it!

I’m touching your head!

This isn’t going to end well.

Naw, he’s got dis in bag. With me. I think…

Exactly, the boot told me to do it.

Dis too.

I’ll boot you!

Is okay, I still love you!

Monday Meows

April 24, 2018 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Wait, was that the Shakespeare Signal!

To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
I am determined to prove a villain

Ooh, I know dis one!

Now is the waiter of our disco tent reindeered glorious jerky!

That boy ain’t right.

Hey, now, my brother is as right as me.

We’re all fine here! FINE!


I was just leaving!

Excellent, now back to the chase!

Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous…

Oh ghods, wake me when it’s over.

Never reject your own story

April 23, 2018 in Publishing, Reblogging Project

(Not sure why but this post from the reblogging project seems to have vanished)

I was having an online conversation today that made me reiterate one of the fundamental rules of selling your fiction—Never reject your own story. That’s the editor’s job. Too many times a writer will look at a story and decide one of three things:

A, this is a disaster and I can’t send it out.

B, this story isn’t the right sort of story for ________ (fill in the high end market of your choice).

C, this story is perfect for __________ (fill in the low end market of your choice).

In all three cases, the story never makes it to whatever is the writer’s dream market, thus guaranteeing that it will never be published there. But, for the cost of postage and a little time the writer could give the editor the chance to do the job of rejecting the story if it doesn’t work for them, or maybe, just maybe, buying that story.

Look at it this way:

When a writer pre-jects a story for an editor:
—The worst case scenario is that they don’t sell to dream market x.
—The best case scenario is also that they don’t sell to dream market x.

When a writer lets the editor make the decision:
—The worst case scenario is that they don’t sell to dream market x.
—The best case scenario is that they do sell to dream market x.

Never reject your own story.

(Originally published on the Wyrdsmiths blog September 10 2006, and original comments may be found there. Reposted and reedited as part of the reblogging project)

Monday Meows

April 16, 2018 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Hey Jeeves, watch me pull a cat out of this basket!

That trick never works.

Depends how many of these you take first.

I am gonna give that boy such a smack…

I like smacks, especially if dey tuna flavors!

Your brother is not the brightest bulb on the tree.

You don’t say.

I like trees! Dey fun to climbs. I wrap my paw arund dem like dis!

That’s it. Ima smack some brains into you.

I like smacks! Bring me da tuna ones. Kay?

It’s like talking to a damn dog, I swear.

Monday Meows

April 9, 2018 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Once more unto the beach deer fiend!

No. Just, no.

Or fill dis bucket up with our Catish fud!

What did Shakespeare ever do to you?

Like the bro’s conman; let tea brew & o’erwhelm us
Since I cannot prove a lover, I am determined to prove a villain
Oh ghods, now his brother is doing it too…

Cry ‘Good old barfy catfud, and stain rugs!’

Mine was better.

Not listening.


Monday Meows

April 3, 2018 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Fart, what wind through yonder lighthouse breaks!

Oh no, he’s at it again…

Tis the beast and chariots do run!

Do run, run, do run, run. Or better yet, don’t.

Arise, fair spoon, and scrape this envious dish,

Wake me when it’s over.

It is my jerky, O, it is my nom!

Wait, did you just jump ahead like six lines?

You don’t expect him to start making sense now, do you?

She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?

Okay, that’s like the actual quote. There’s something wrong here.

Ay me!

Okay, that’s it, you’re done now. Don’t make me come in there…

O, claw again, cat angel! for thou art
vainglorious to this night, being o’er my head


With thanks to Matt and Mandy for the loan of the extra cats.

Monday Meows

March 27, 2018 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Tell me a scary story.

How about napping with monsters?

Dat’s pretty scary!

Hold me.

You’ve got to be kidding.

I know what’ll scare her…

You. Corner. Now.


On the Naming of Characters

March 23, 2018 in Publishing, Writing

The naming of characters is a difficult matter…

I was asked about how I choose names for characters and I thought my answers might be of more general interest, so I’m making it into its own post.

For me the most important part of a name is mouth feel. I always say a name out loud before I use it. It has to feel in my mouth like I want to feel on the page. Usually that’s a least partially emotional. Harsh characters need harsh names. Friendly characters need approachable names. Etc.

Names need to be distinct. I do that in part on a purely mechanical basis. Every time I introduce a new character I make sure the name doesn’t sound too much like anyone already in the story and I rarely have two important characters that have the same first initial in their name. No stories with Mark, Mike, Mack, Mara, and Moira.

Shorter is usually better for me. As a personal preference I prefer one-two syllable names, and/or longer names need to be easy to shorten. Valerie to Val, for example. Even if never use the short form, I think about how that might work and who might use it. This is a place where it’s important to remember the class structure of your world.

The following over broad and purely a tool of narrative: Upper class/aristocratic characters are more like to have long names, and more likely to use the full name in some circumstances. Lower class characters will often have shorter or truncated names. Nicknames are more likely to be used at the top and bottom end of the class structure and for criminals than in the middle. For the wealthy it might be because they use a smaller total pool of names and repeat names more often. So you might get Hal for Henry V to distinguish him from the other Henrys. For lower class characters it might again be partially the reusing of names and partially because less social and physical mobility make it more likely a childhood nickname will carry forward. For criminal characters it’s as much to obfuscate real identity as to identify.

When I’m looking for names, I steal freely from history, classical literature, and fiction where that’s appropriate to the venue. I have a terrible memory for names of people I meet, but I’m quite good at names in stories. For the names adapted from fiction I am likely to change spellings, or to simply use the name as a starting point. So, something like Marak, might become Moric.

When I’m working to come up with a new name for science fiction or contemporary or historical fantasy I will often cruise baby name sites looking for names that start with what feels like the right first letter. Modern names for contemporary names. Historical names for historical fiction. For those latter I might try to find things like: what were the 50 most popular women’s names in 1928?

For secondary world fiction, I go to baby name sites for the root language of the culture I’m working in. So, if I were writing a secondary world rooted in Germany in the 1200s I’d look for German names and I’d alter them to suit mouth feel and appropriate spelling. I’d also look for Austrian, Swiss, Italian, Polish, etc, because languages bleed across borders. Names especially bleed as people move around.

I also look at both place names and last names appropriate to the setting I’m using, as names don’t stay in a steady relationship. People often get named for the place they’re from. Or they might be given a first name that used to be a last name to keep it alive and in the family.

Think about the language of the place you’re creating. How does it sound? If you don’t want to build your own language, look at others. What do they sound like? What sounds repeat. Build your names from syllables that are common in that language.

Another useful tool is to check out work by someone else that’s writing in a world that feels like the world you’re using. How do their names feel and sound? Do they have commonalities? A system? Can you build a system that works in a similar way.

Remember to think about where your character is from. Are they local to the setting? Are the from a great distance away? What’s their social class? Are they from an old family with a long history? Are they an orphan who doesn’t know their antecedents? A main character needs to stand out. One way that can be accented is by naming them in a way that violates the general rules of names for the area or of their class. If your character is from someplace far away, how do naming conventions work there? Is there a lot of cultural bleed so that people will know how to pronounce the name? Is that a problem for the character. Etc.

In the end, I always always always come back to that mouth feel. Does the name I’ve picked up from whatever source material feel right when I say it? If it does, than it will usually feel right on the page. If I’m feeling doubtful, I’ll try saying it different tones and registers. How does it sound if I’m yelling it? How does it sound when it’s spoken in the ways it’s mostly likely to be used in the story? With affection. Loathing. Fear. Etc.