Monday Meows

Alas, I cannot make the meeting today, I haz the sleeps.

Woe, I too haz the sleeps.

The sleeps, they is catchulating.

If I have to go, all you jokers have to go too. We have quorum to meet.

I hate meetings and move we adjourn. Seconds?

Monday Meows

These are the times that try cats soles!

What is he on about?

Summer soldier and sunshine catriots will shrink from the icy deck.

Yep. It’s still fucking cold out there.

Winter, like hell, is not easily conquered…

Wait, is he saying that the monkeys opened the porch up?



It’s heat wave, it’s a tropical heat wave…

I think I’ll wait.

Monday Meows

I think I may be developing a drinking problem—no thumbs.

Get the thumb-monkey to do it. That’s what they’re named for.

I be thumb-monkey! Just as soon as I figures out dese pants things!

I have the weirdest damned family.

Monday Meows

What is best in life?

Thanksgiving in a turkey eat dog world!

What that actual hell?

They shouldn’t ought to make birbs that big!

True, but back to my original question. Life. Best. What?

Guy Fawkes Day American Style.

There is something seriously wrong with you people.

Technically, we’re cats. Well, except for the dog, the turkey, the traitor, his cook, and her mother.

I think we’re losing the thread here.

I like thread! But what’s best…

Is to lie on one’s monkey and hear the lamentations of the cats farther away.

Lamentations. Lamentations. Lamentations.



Monday Meows

Here am I floating in my spacewarp, far above the Earth…

Ground control to Major PITA…

The stars look very different today.

I’ve got you and there’s nothing you can do!

Isn’t that supposed to be planet Earth is blue?

Maybe we can launch the little space oddity.

I thought his name was Oddgar…

Toh-may-toh, toh-mah-toh…

Lets call the whole thing off.

Monday Meows

I challenge you all to a think off.

I am thinking about kitten fuds.

I am thinking about murdering this toe.

I am thinking about the taste of future past.

Still kitten fuds.

I too can be contemplicable. See. I am contemplicating.

What? Did y’all seriously think I had the attention span to stay with that?

Kittens. Why did it have to be kittens.

Monday Meows

Dirty laundry is what is best in life!

There is something really wrong with that little guy.

Soft beds and sunbeams, dude.

You have to develop bigger ambitions, kitten. You just have to.

OMB! I have just discovered clean laundry fresh from the dryer. Bliss!

Now, that’s the stuff. Add in laps and snackies and you have the foundation of a worldview.

Monday Meows

Who wants to play Queen of the Hill?

I find your ideas intriguing. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

I am getting too old for this shit.

Just sleep it out, dude. That’s what I did when you were the kitten.

I ball. I hearz nothing. I seez nothing.

Monday Meows

Pretend I’m biting you, I have a plan!

Seriously? OWW!

But it’s a heist! We’re going for the kitten food! You play lookout.

I sense a disturbance in the crunchies!

Nobody ever invites me to the heist.

I will. You scratch my chin and I scratch my chin too…right?

Everybody gets fed except for me and my monke…APE, I MEANT APE!