Monday Meows

I challenge you all to a think off.

I am thinking about kitten fuds.

I am thinking about murdering this toe.

I am thinking about the taste of future past.

Still kitten fuds.

I too can be contemplicable. See. I am contemplicating.

What? Did y’all seriously think I had the attention span to stay with that?

Kittens. Why did it have to be kittens.

Monday Meows

Dirty laundry is what is best in life!

There is something really wrong with that little guy.

Soft beds and sunbeams, dude.

You have to develop bigger ambitions, kitten. You just have to.

OMB! I have just discovered clean laundry fresh from the dryer. Bliss!

Now, that’s the stuff. Add in laps and snackies and you have the foundation of a worldview.

Monday Meows

Who wants to play Queen of the Hill?

I find your ideas intriguing. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

I am getting too old for this shit.

Just sleep it out, dude. That’s what I did when you were the kitten.

I ball. I hearz nothing. I seez nothing.

Monday Meows

Guest cat is IN THE HOUSE!

WOOHOO KITTEN POWER!

Greetings, fellow kittens?

You’re not fooling anyone, you know that right?

No, sadly, he really doesn’t.

Monday Meows

Pretend I’m biting you, I have a plan!

Seriously? OWW!

But it’s a heist! We’re going for the kitten food! You play lookout.

I sense a disturbance in the crunchies!

Nobody ever invites me to the heist.

I will. You scratch my chin and I scratch my chin too…right?

Everybody gets fed except for me and my monke…APE, I MEANT APE!

Monday Meows

Thumb-Monkey will you ask the other cats to play with me.

Can you do that for me? There will be treats.

…………………………………………………..Ew, kitten cooties!

Do you think monkey was serious about treats?

…………………………Yep. Also about not playing as with a ball.

Today you learn how to play my favorite board game.

And I teach you Tic, Tac, Whack the Monkey.

I will teach you competition napping.

………You cats are the best!

Monday Meows

Nothing could be more elegant than moi!

I beg to diff…the hell is that?

Dignity personified. That’s what. Bask in my glory.

Can I bask in your meats? WANT!

Maybe if I bury my head, it won’t see me…

Ostriches, not Turkeys. And it’s them hiding, not you hiding from them.

That also looks delicious, and maybe a bit more my size. Want?

Monday Meows

Of course I’m comfortable, why do you ask?

You do know you’ve got a clamp on your butt, right?

The clamp and I are friends. You wanna make something of that?

Forget I said anything.

The McCullough cats are really weird.

Wait, I thought the very special guest episode was over.

Thumb-monkey probably forgot to get that one in and is too lazy to fix it. Happens all the time.

 

Monday Meows

Hold still…there’s a bug on your face

And that’s how I learned to teleport.

Ooh, can you show me how to do that?

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First you must learn how to planck…

Ooh, I saw what you did there, and it was quantifiably terrible.

Monday Meows

It’s my turn to ride the magic submarine, but for me it is a plane.

That’s my gig, and you’re doing it WRONG!

Holy shit, it works, I’m flying and…Squirrel!

Not this shit again. What is with cats and byplanes?

Come come, good sir, you’re making a mockery of this very serious feature.

There are days when I wonder why I ever took this job. Then I find a warm lap.