Kelly McCullough

Hep! Is being eated by bed!

Can’t hep, eated by box.

Can veryfy, hez eated by box.

Yeah, I’ll get right on that rescue attempt.

Dat’s funny ’cause it’s a lie.

Do these headphones make me look sophisticated?

Have you ever considered the benefits of litter insurance?

OFFS!

Did he just say _litter_ insurance?

That is soooooo not okay.

Tell me more about this litter insurance…I would like to subscribe to your podcast.

I seem to have been shelved in the video game section.

I have been shelved under blanket, and I’m okay with that.

I can be monkey and reshelve you as soon as I learn how to operate pants.

Say what now?

Alas, I cannot make the meeting today, I haz the sleeps.

Woe, I too haz the sleeps.

The sleeps, they is catchulating.

If I have to go, all you jokers have to go too. We have quorum to meet.

I hate meetings and move we adjourn. Seconds?

These are the times that try cats soles!

What is he on about?

Summer soldier and sunshine catriots will shrink from the icy deck.

Yep. It’s still fucking cold out there.

Winter, like hell, is not easily conquered…

Wait, is he saying that the monkeys opened the porch up?

Yeppers.

TO THE PORCH!

It’s heat wave, it’s a tropical heat wave…

I think I’ll wait.

I think I may be developing a drinking problem—no thumbs.

Get the thumb-monkey to do it. That’s what they’re named for.

I be thumb-monkey! Just as soon as I figures out dese pants things!

I have the weirdest damned family.

What is best in life?

Thanksgiving in a turkey eat dog world!

What that actual hell?

They shouldn’t ought to make birbs that big!

True, but back to my original question. Life. Best. What?

Guy Fawkes Day American Style.

There is something seriously wrong with you people.

Technically, we’re cats. Well, except for the dog, the turkey, the traitor, his cook, and her mother.

I think we’re losing the thread here.

I like thread! But what’s best…

Is to lie on one’s monkey and hear the lamentations of the cats farther away.

Lamentations. Lamentations. Lamentations.

 

 

Here am I floating in my spacewarp, far above the Earth…

Ground control to Major PITA…

The stars look very different today.

I’ve got you and there’s nothing you can do!

Isn’t that supposed to be planet Earth is blue?

Maybe we can launch the little space oddity.

I thought his name was Oddgar…

Toh-may-toh, toh-mah-toh…

Lets call the whole thing off.

I challenge you all to a think off.

I am thinking about kitten fuds.

I am thinking about murdering this toe.

I am thinking about the taste of future past.

Still kitten fuds.

I too can be contemplicable. See. I am contemplicating.

What? Did y’all seriously think I had the attention span to stay with that?

Kittens. Why did it have to be kittens.