Kelly McCullough writes fantasy, science fiction, and books for kids of varying ages. He lives in Wisconsin with his physics professor wife and a small herd of cats. His novels include the WebMage and Fallen Blade series — Penguin/ACE, and the forthcoming School for Sidekicks — Feiwel and Friends/Macmillan. His short fiction has appeared in numerous magazines and anthologies. He also dabbles in science fiction as science education with The Chronicles of the Wandering Star — part of an NSF-funded science curriculum — and the science comic Hanny & the Mystery of the Voorwerp, which he co-authored and co-edited — funding provided by NASA and the Hubble Space Telescope. Kelly on Twitter, Facebook, G+, ello

Friday Cat Blogging

July 22, 2016 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

All right, we’re taking over this cat blogging thing, back me up.*

On it.

………………………………………………………………………I like scratching!

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Oh, this is gonna end well…

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We will conquer!

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Ja, right. Watch dis.

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I will defend the honor of mah kittehs to the death!**

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Glad you’re on that man, because it’s my nap day.

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Da boss says I gotta climb you, monkey.

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That’s not how you climb a monkey.

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THIS is how you climb a monkey.

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Dammit, coup foiled and exiled to the bathroom. AGAIN.

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*The Invaders courtesy of Matt and Mandy

**Thanks to SMM Photography for the kitty hero shot.

Infodumpy: a “poem”

July 16, 2016 in Art, Silly, Writing

 I blame Dana Baird…

Beware the infodump, my child!
The bits that bore, the facts that fail!
Beware the as-you-know, Bobs
And handwavious exegesis!

Take not the purple pen in hand:
Lest too long the tedious plot be splained —
Then resist the by-the-way asides,
And babble not the it-all-begans.

And hast thou slain the infodump?
Come to my arms pithy child!
O laconic day! Compact! Concise!’
He chortled in his brevity

Dana and I were on this panel at CONvergence and she said “Beware the infodump!” and this has been percolating ever since…

And, yes, I know it doesn’t scan perfectly, but I was trying to keep it brief…

The process that is.

See also: will commit doggerel for food.

Friday Cat Blogging

July 16, 2016 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Hey, Dude, I think your snowblower needs a tune up.

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The hell was that?

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Woodchuck.

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Groundhog.

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Whistlepig.*

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…the hell?

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I think that was my monkey.

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Really? Looks like a frog to me.

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See.

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Wait, was that cat made out concrete?

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Wood.

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*Thanks to Kim and Jonny for numerous contributions to the surreality.

Friday Cat Blogging

July 8, 2016 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

What do we want?

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Opposable thumbs!

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When do we want them?

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Zzzzzz

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…I mean: Yesterday at the latest!

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How will we get there?

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Irresponsible genetic manipulation!

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Who is best?

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Mad scientists!*

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*Nota Bene Spider:** some prefer to be called evil genius

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**Why did you think the asterisk was shaped that way?

How Fast I Write

July 8, 2016 in About Kelly, Professionalism, Publishing, Writing

Someone asked how fast I write compared to other writers. Since I thought that might be something of interest to some of you. Here’s my response:
 
An average working science fiction novelist can reliably produce something in the neighborhood of one book a year at around 100,000 words. Some, including some of the best, are slower—1 book every 2-5 years.
 
I can reliably write around 200,000 publishable words a year in fiction and another 50,000 of nonfiction. I’ve written 100,000 in 88 days for deadline, but that’s really pushing what I can manage. I’m considered a very fast writer by most of my peers, but there are a small number of people in the industry who are considerably faster.
 
I know writers who can produce 1,000,000 publishable words in a year.
 
Gaming and tie-in writers tend to be on the faster end of things, and, while it’s a slightly different skill set, I respect their work enormously. I can’t do some of the things they do at anything like the speed. I know because I’ve tried writing in other people’s worlds and I find it very hard.
 
For me that’s produced something like 5,000,000 words in the 25 years I’ve been writing. From there, a guesstimate puts me at something between 15,000 and 25,000 hours of hands on keyboard writing time, which has been something between 35% and 65% of the job depending on where I’ve been at in my career.

Friday Cat Blogging

June 24, 2016 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Monkey, I’m not in the sun. Move me.

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Srsly? That’s lazy even by cat standards.

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Hey, learning to levitate is suuuper tiring. Back off!

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I can “levitate” too. See.

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What is wrong with you cats? You’re embarrassing the species.

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Oh, the drama! Oh woe! Oh wurra!

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I’m rolling my eyes. Can you see me rolling my eyes?

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I can.

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Who the hell are you?

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Just a squirrel on a porch swing, hangin’

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I know what to with squirrels. Get in my mouf.

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That’s it. I’m out of here.

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Friday Cat Blogging

June 17, 2016 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Four cats can get along in a small space if one of them is concrete.

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Did you just call me stoned?

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I hate you so much.

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I hate squirrels.

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I’m a squirrel. Don’t hate me because I’m adorable and you’re a cat.

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I summon the dark forces of feline angst to smite thee, red one.

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Friday Cat Blogging

June 11, 2016 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Want to see a joke? It’s really funny. Watch!

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I gave her the tuna kit. Hee!

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That’s cruel.

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And NOT funny.

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Knocked me ded.

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I thought it was funny.

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You are WRONG! Not getting tuna is NEVER funny.

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Forget the jokes, how do I get da fissies?

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Guest cats by M&M and N.

 

Friday Cat Blogging

June 3, 2016 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

You’re not my real monkey and I don’t have to do a thing you say.

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True, but it might have food!

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Food is good.

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Food is insufficient reason to acquiesce to monkey hegemony.

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I don’t know monkey hegemony is working okay for me so far…

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Monkey hegemony is boring. Really really really boring.

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But it comes with BELLY RUBS! So, is all okay, yes?

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With thanks to the usual suspects for letting me put words in the mouths of their cats. See also: Matt, Mandy, Neil.

Belated Friday Cat Blogging

May 28, 2016 in Cat Things, Friday Cat Blogging, Pets and other friends

Plotting to get someone else to take over the world for me.

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That seems like a lot of steps…

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You don’t expect me to do any of the actual work myself, do you?

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Good point, world conquest is a lot of work.

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And work makes me all zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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That’s why the towelphants will win in the end!

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